Waves

The list is short of better feelings than when my husband flirts with me. When he playfully bumps me, touches my rear end or sends a text from the other room asking if I have “time”for him.

He is by far a better flirt than I. And he’s downright adorable when he does it.  

His flirting fills me with love, makes me feel sexy & wanted. And, works like a charm every single time. 

Often though, it also fills me with wonder….how could he possibly want me? This broken thing, this body, this bottomless sack of emotions.

I am in awe of the love he pours over me. Of how our marriage seems less and less like a conscious commitment than it does the most natural, life depending partnership – as natural as breathing. 

His love is like the ocean, constantly rolling into the shore. Sometimes thrashing into the rocks. But mostly lapping in slow reaches onto the sand. The tide may change, but the ocean meets the shore anyway, hour after hour. Day by day. Year after year.

A Letter to my Husband on Our 5th Wedding Anniversary

My Dear Husband,

It’s been 2,628,000 minutes since I walked towards you, never losing eye contact and feeling like I was floating.
It’s been 43,800 hours since you curled your fingers into mine, wrapping our arms behind my back and holding me steady through the ceremony.
1,825 days have passed since we promised to love and care for one another through good & bad in front of our friends and family.  Smiling and stuttering and laughing.
260 weeks have flown by since the day we celebrated being husband & wife.
5 years of loving, laughing, crying & living.
On our 5th anniversary, I want you to know:
That if you would have me, I would marry you all over again.  Without hesitation and without a second thought.
That I have NEVER felt as though I settled or thought our marriage was “just good enough.” I have felt like the luckiest girl in the world since you told me you loved me and asked me to be your wife.  I still feel this way today.
That you make me proud because of the man you are.  And that I am incredibly proud to be your wife. I am proud of our marriage, how it came to be and how it is every day.
On our anniversary, I want you to know that the dreams we’ve shared have been the best dreams – the ones that have come to reality and those that didn’t – because I shared them with you.  
I would want you to know that you have made me laugh and smile from the core of my body….a place of the truest, deepest happiness.
I would want you to know that you make me feel safe and protected.  You give me strength and confidence.  And that my hope is to make you feel the same.  
That if I could, I would take away every hardship – ANYTHING that has ever hurt you or made your life even just a little more difficult.
I would want you to know that my happiness is entirely intertwined with yours and that no matter what, my ONLY wish is for you to be happy.  So much so, in fact, that on an occasion or two, I have felt you deserve better, or more than me – that there might be another out in this world who could make you happier and in those rare times, I wanted it for you more than the pain I knew it would leave me in.  That is how much your happiness means to me.
If I were not here or unable to talk to you tomorrow, I would want you to know how much you are loved by me.  How much you have changed my life for the better.  That since the moment I met you, I have felt physically & emotionally connected to you in a way that if ever severed, I’m not sure how I’d survive.  I would want you to know that my love for you is deep.  So deep, I can feel it in the pit of my stomach and in the tips of my fingers when we touch.
It’s important for me to tell you, that if I could not reach for your hand, I would want you to know that there has never been another hand I wanted to to hold more than I wanted yours.  And if there were a time you could not reach for mine, know that I would never turn my back on you or take my love away from you.  I will be the one to care for you for the rest of my days.  
I need you to know that though I may be able live without you – because of the strength you have given me – that it would NEVER be my choice to do so, and should there ever be a time when we are not able to be together, that I would take my last breath searching for you.
Sammy, you are my one true love.  You are the very best friend I have ever had.  I would choose you over and over and over again to share this life with.  On our anniversary I want you to have these words and I hope you’ll keep them forever….I hope you will read them in 20 years and know in your heart they still ring true.
I saw a quote once that said “If I had one wish, I would wish to find you sooner so I could love you longer.”  I absolutely feel this way about you, about us.
Happy Anniversary!
I love you!